I’ll be honest. I want to post. I feel the need to post. I’m itching for a post. (Read: I’m an attention whore and my stats are way down, man!) But, I swear, I seriously don’t know what to post today. Here’s a few reasons why:
1. There’s absolutely nothing going on over here. And, that’s really no different than it’s been the entire time I’ve been contributing to this blog. What is different, however, is I’m seriously teetering on the edge staring straight down in to a whole lot of something. It’s been nearly 3 months since my D&C and 2 months since my suspicious ANA results. I did the blood work for my rheumatologist on Wednesday, I have my MRI on Monday, and my (hopefully final) follow-up with the rheumy on Tuesday. In 4 short days we may be given the green light to try again. Those 4 days are going to be agony.
2. I’m in a bit of a post-NIAW slump. (And, it certainly didn’t help that the latter part of that week was spent away at a work event.) I really gave it my all last week, and now I feel a little lost and dazed. Have you read the Furrowed Fox’s tremendous NIAW Aftermath post? That one really hit close to home and triggered a lot of internal monologue in the past day. I’m a very happy RESOLVE volunteer, treasure NIAW, and feel so grateful that that organization exists, yet I do often feel that as time as gone on my relationship with RESOLVE has changed. For me, it’s become more a relationship of giving (giving my time, my energy, my support), than a relationship of receiving (receiving support, receiving guidance, receiving and redistributing a general message), and I think that is OK. And, I also think that’s why I feel so spent right now. All that effort went out last week, and not so much back in. But, then again, it’s specifically because so little comes back in that I feel the need to put so much out. Can’t win, eh?
3. I’m kinda focusing my IF efforts elsewhere for the time being. After meeting my first “IF friend in the computer” in real life last weekend, I’m now 100% committed to getting the rest of the gals in my IF group together (if at least virtually). I’m trying to get this whole Google Hangout thing straightened out so we can “meet” this weekend. Seriously, how cool is that going to be???
4. The semester is winding down here and the work/life balance is swinging wildly to the work side these days. Great for providing distractions from IF, not so great for, oh, getting sleep, alleviating stress, spending time with Mr. But IF, not having work-related nightmares.
5. This weekend I will be taking my last shower at home… at least for a while. When we bought our lovely old lady of a house, we knew it needed TONS of work, so we’ve just been waiting with bated breath for spring to, uh, spring so that we could get the serious projects rolling. A contractor will arrive at our house early Tuesday morning and tear our bathroom apart. Luckily, we still have a small downstairs bath with toilet and sink, but otherwise we’ll be sans-sanitation for the foreseeable future. Thank goodness for having access to a beautiful college gym facility and faculty showers! So, anyway, yea, that’s gonna be “fun.”
There’s been a lot of chatter on Twitter today about the appropriate nomenclature for describing infertility. Is it a journey? Experience? Trip? Shit storm? Quest? War? I honestly don’t know, but all I do know is that right now I’m not moving forward or backward, I’m not experiencing much, I have no idea of the direction I’m headed or what I’m even searching for, I don’t know what the weather is like outside my door, and, if this is war, I’ve most certainly reached a stalemate. So, for now I think it’s best to just drink and be merry. And, that’s exactly what I plan to do in T-minus 20 minutes.
Happy weekend all!