I’m a planner. I make my to-do lists, I check things off, I feel great accomplishment. (We’ll ignore those times that go more like, “Make my to-do list, look at to-do list, start hyperventilating about to-do list, build blanket nest on the couch and watch hours upon hours of trashy television while eating straight from the carton/bag/box/packaging and forget about to-do list, and feel totally fucking overwhelmed.”)
Infertility totally fucked my to-do list. That whole “have two perfect children by thirty” line on the master to-do list of life? Yea, thanks for that. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans and all that… I love when my life is the punchline.
But, while my big picture to-do list remains irrevocably undone, my day-to-day to-do lists can be kind of funny. Like today’s –
1. Vacuum car so job candidate you drive around tomorrow doesn’t think you are a total cat-lady stereotype.
2. Get gas for said car so, again, candidate you drive around tomorrow doesn’t think you are both a slovenly cat-lady and a totally non-functioning adult.
3a. Email reproductive immunologist, rheumatologist, GP, and reproductive endocrinologist about upcoming cycle.
3b. Wonder why you bothered because no one listens to you, acknowledges you, remembers you, or cares at all about you or your cycle anyway.
4. Answer that work email that you’ve been putting off
since February for awhile.
5. Write check to contractor who you haven’t seen in a week. Stare into empty shell that was once your bathroom and try to remember what it felt like to shower.
6. Try to convince Mr. But IF (again) that the thought of visiting his parents this weekend is totally overwhelming. I mean, you love them and all, but the potential of a three-day weekend at home is so very, very enticing.
7a. Find nearest Singer repair store to replace the sewing machine you broke… again.
7b. Find somewhere to store those cushions that you will now never finish due to said sewing machine.
8. Take a picture to commemorate that last birth control pill going down the hatch tonight.
Am I wrong, or is number 8 pretty damn exciting? I’m promising here and now I’ll upload a photo of that last active pill later tonight to mark this Kodak moment. For the third and (hopefully) last time in this journey toward parenthood I’m ditching the birth control. Exciting!
Also, a little terrifying. I’m gonna try and stick with exciting.
I don’t know my full schedule yet, but I’ll roll with the to-do list theme of this post and provide a brief overview of my upcoming protocol.
Tonight: Last active birth control pill.
Late Thursday/early Friday: Period start. Call RE to set up baseline.
Friday/Saturday: Baseline blood work and ultrasound. Start stimulation meds (Gonal-F), Lupron, baby aspirin, Lovenox, and (if RE stops being a jackass) Prednisone. Continue existing meds (Synthroid, Metformin, bio-available folic acid, vitamin B6, vitamin B12, prenatal vitamin, vitamin D). Three injections and 10 pills a day. Woot!
7-10 days later: Based on results of blood work and ultrasound monitoring (every other day, hour drive each way) trigger with 10,000 units HCG.
After ovulation: Continue all meds but Gonal, add HCG booster (2,500 units) every three days, Crinone 8% every day, and progesterone in oil every day. So, still about three injections, 10 pills a day. Woot.
14 days later: Freak the fuck out because I have no idea whether the pregnancy test is positive because I’m knocked up or because of the HCG boosters.
A few days after that: Final verdict.
I honestly have never been more excited to be a human pin cushion than I am right now. Here I am Aunt Flo, come and find me you wicked bitch!